I love LA, but I’m not going to kid you. Living in LA isn’t all surfboards and supermodels. Sure, there are many great aspects to the LA lifestyle, but it has a few downsides, too; and in order to make an educated decision about visiting, or relocating to (or changing neighborhoods in) Los Angeles, you need to have all of the inside information.

I have lived in Los Angeles, on and off, for the last 33 years and I know that LA is more than a city — it is a sprawling world unto its own. The city is HUGE. And it sits within the County of Los Angeles, which is RIDICULOUSLY HUGE. The County of Los Angeles is the most populated, sprawling, and diverse, in the country and if you want to drive from one end of the county to the other, pack a lunch, as it will be a long trip.

People who live in Los Angeles call themselves “Angelenos,” and do so with pride. Los Angeles was originally named “El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles de la Porciúncula (The Village of Our Lady, the Queen of the Angels of Porziuncola). But that’s kind of a mouthful, so we’ll just stick with “LA.”

We are a city divided into regions that are sometimes snobbish about their location (“I live in …”), but at the end of the day, we know that we are all Angelenos and we’re good sports about it.  Still, the residents of Malibu do not act the same way that residents of Hollywood act (get it? Hollywood, ACT? Oh well…), about their city. But for people who have never been to LA, it seems natural to consider Malibu and Hollywood, as “Quintessential Los Angeles,” yet they are worlds apart mentally, even though only about 10 miles separates them geographically.

Some parts of “Los Angeles” are their own City (Malibu, Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, Burbank, Glendale, Culver City to name just a few), and some are neighborhoods of the CITY of Los Angeles (Brentwood, Westwood, Holmby Hills, Encino, and Northridge, to name a few).

I guess there is no such thing as “The Perfect Place To Live”, so let me tell you up front about the downside to moving to Los Angeles. I’ll take these points one at a time. And don’t worry, if you keep reading you will get to Earthquakes.

1. Let’s begin with…Traffic. We have about 12 million people living in the greater Los Angeles area. I think they all have at least one car, and they love to park them on the 405 Freeway (OK, they use all the freeways, and they only seem to be parked when in actuality they are moving very slowly). What can be done about this? Easy. Learn the shortcuts. Avoid rush hour. Plan accordingly. There are alternate routes. Oh, and relax and keep breathing.

2. Smog. We have smog. In the summer months it can become noticeable. But it is not as bad as legend makes it out to be — and it was much worse 20 years ago, frankly. In the winter our air is usually clear, crisp and clean (especially on the Westside).

3. Heat. It gets hot here. After all, this is a desert that we have changed into a city. But the old cliche says it is a dry heat, and it usually is. Still, plan on sweating in July and August (August 2007 had 24 consecutive days OVER 100F in the San Fernando Valley!), and just tell yourself it is good for the pores of your skin. Our heat is still more bearable than Phoenix, and at least here you can go to the beach!

4. Fires. Los Angeles is surrounded by lots of wild spaces. And every year in the late summer, early fall, we end up with brush fires. These are usually driven by hot, dry winds that we call “Santa Anas” (the original term was “Satanas”, or Satan’s winds.) And sometimes they burn down homes. It is imperative to keep the brush away from your homes if you live in an outlying area.

5. Mud Slides. We get mudslides after the fires. See, what happens is the fire burns the plants that anchor the hillsides with their roots. So when it rains, the raw dirt hillsides turn to mud. The mud is no longer held in place by the plant roots, and this can cause Mud Slides. Mud Slides can cover roads, damage homes, and kill people. The small beach community of La Conchita (Between Ventura and Santa Barbara) had 10 fatalities in a large mud slide in 2005. It made international headlines.

6. Rain. Rain?! Yes, rain. The song lied, and it actually does rain in Southern Cailfornia. We may go 10 months with almost no rain, and then make up for it in the remaining 2 months. And every few years, we have what the TV folks call an “El Nino” year (pronounced Neenyo). It is all very scientific, but the gist of it is that, during an El Nino, we can have an amazing amount of rain in a short time. The rain causes Angelenos no end of grief, as their windshield wipers have dried out or become glued/melted to the windshield due to the heat of the past few months. The other problem with rain in Los Angeles, is that during the hot, dry, rain free months cars and trucks are dripping oil, gas, anti-freeze, grease and all sorts of slippery things onto our roads and freeways. When there is no rain to rinse it away, this grime builds up. Then, when it does rain, this grime turns into a slippery coating on top of the roads. As cars drive on the wet roads, they start to slip and slide on this invisible goo. If you don’t know how to drive on a wet, Los Angeles road you are in for a treat. Accidents go up about 6 fold after the rains start here. Drive slow and allow plenty of space to brake.

7. Earthquakes. Yes, I said it! We have earthquakes. And before you freak out about them let me share some perspective on them. California is not the only place in the USA where big quakes strike.  Earthquakes range in size from the tiny ones that nobody feels, to the massive ones that wreak havoc and make worldwide headlines. The tiny ones are common, and the massive ones are very rare.  I grew up in the midwest and tornadoes scare me far more than earthquakes ever have. Just have a plan, and always be ready.